More of Joy Burton's poems

i thought of you last night
and cried like a child
so lonely and so scared
afraid of the dark with you not there
to put your arms around me
so i could fall asleep
and dream of never losing you
awakening to find you in a dream
understanding why you had to leave

chorus:
I hear your voice at night
while I sleep restlessly
loving and dreaming only you
my precious child
dreamchild of the dark

you're so clever with love
your smile deceives the lonely
your ways confuse the wise
now you've left with half of me
and all the time to cry

chorus:
i hear your voice at night
while I sleep restlessly
dreaming and loving only you
my cunning child
dreamchild of the dark

Ii have the time i've waited for
it's spent on losing tears and you
remembering the airport scenes
hiding the tears from strangers passing by
leaving alone with quick goodbyes
suddenly having the time to cry

chorus 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
***************************************************************


Old men walk narrow paths
they wash their dentures
in public
in front of little girls
laughing toothless
at their ignorance
they turn and walk
away, stumbling
on a sidewalk crack.

pink ladies flash their charm
diamond stickpins
stuck into their breasts
so lovers can kiss off
the blood
later,
after the dance.

little girls spit out
twisted truths
they sink their teeth
into each other's innocence
hanging little boys from
a high oak branch
with their red hair ribbons
tight around their necks.

i am sucked on daily
i crawl among the leeches
coming closer to the blade.

the blade, cold, pure
shining
anticipating my touch;
redcold agony

catholic men suck on
rosary beads
they've rubbed
between their
lover's thighs
they drink the wine and
pray forgiveness
for their weekly sins.

old men walk narrow pathways
with canes of scorn bleeding
from their hands; knotted,
gnarled with pain and anger.
they pick disgust from their teeth
with toothpicks; gold, smiling.

little girls spit out twisted truths -
they pick fresh young camilias
with their scathing virgin hands.
skipping along the dirty roads
they tease the foolish boys;
pink, innocent.

a man lies dead and bloody;
decomposing
faceless men whisper of fate
theirs; cold, indifferent.

I crawl among the leeches
I am sucked on daily
coming closer to the blade.
the blade: pure, shining
waiting for my touch; redcold agony.

the pink ladies flash their charm
to get country club luncheons
and diamond stickpins that stick
into their breasts
so lovers can kiss the blood off
in public johns, later,
after the dance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
***************************************************


Sonnet for Byl

Although the lack of rhyme I saw too well
Tenderness and care were clearly seen
Where hate and disillusion could have been
My fate perceived as far as I could tell
My cocaine eyes and champagne smiles deceive
Smallest bits of truth can disappear
Behind the haze and smoke is dread and fear
Someone has to dance while others grieve
Be happy while I sing the blues tonight
Tomorrow always waits for her and you
No matter what you feel or how you do
Your dreams are much too young to die in fright
The last two lines are always hard for me,
So happy twenty-first and two for tea.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
**************************************************

a dream
5 24 78
2.02 pm

I caught some remnants of a dream
A dream of you
A dream of me
A role-reversal

You bled, bleeding from your heart
The blood dripping onto me
But quickly washed away with apathy

You lay and cried, crying from your soul
The tears dripping onto my toes
For I stood and spat upon you

You screamed, screaming with all your might
The screams drifting away
For I didn't care to hear

You died, dying slowly and painfully
I turned and walked away
For I didn't care.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
*****************************************

you touched
my cold flesh
the hate
i feel for you
is not eternal
quick rebelion
on this night of
screaming dogs
my ego is too fat
I have no
sorrow
for the pigs
that you desire
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
********************************************



we steal away
snatching kisses like yesterday
frightened children
longing to love
hoping for a moment
one moment
of passion in a guiltless night
feeling the fire of pain
withdraw into tomorrow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
*******************************************


rainbows
for andy

rainbows come and go
as love they show no pity
blindly searching for a question
dancing the nights away
under a sky of sorrow
we toil with sadness
seeking we're inspired by rainbows
carefree and easy we lose ourselves
and cry at moments past
moments to come
where we find the end of our rainbow
and find a mirrored image of ourselves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
***********************************************

you left me
standing alone
clutching the fence
watching the plane turn into sky.
all I had was memories and tears.

I was blinded by my tears
blinded by you.
memories revealed awful truths
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
***************************************************

sharp fear
awakens me to a grey morning.
unwelcome for shrouds the mountains
as i begin my daily walk
in silence
i walk alone on cold cement;
the blood-tears stain the sidewalk

i wonder
did you hear the swan?
can you hear me?

i whisper softly
wishing for an answer or only
the sound of your voice

i whisper softly
into the rain

i whisper softly to the clouds
wishing for an answer
to ease the fear or
my breath turns to mist

If only to hear your voice
but i

Joy's "very first poem" and others

After my sister Joy died in 1999, I hoped that a Website could be created that would keep her memory alive. That didn't happen. Since I've been putting various things in this blog: stuff about my life, some of my poetry, some of my drawings, etc.---------------I thought I'd put some of Joy's poetry in here too.

Some info:

1. 1958: Joy was born in Riverside California to Charlotte Evelyn Campbell Burton and Howard Avery Burton. Joy's full name was Joy Campbell Burton. She was named "Joy" because Mom and Dad, having two boys, hoped for a girl. The boys were Bruce Howard Burton (born 1954) and William Augustus Burton (born 1956).
2. Joy attended Emerson Elementary School. Instead of attending 1st grade, she went with her family to Europe; they stayed mostly in London, and Joy attended Brooklands School. She completed 2nd through 6th grade at Emerson (where she met longtime friend Beth Adame). She completed 7th and 8th grades at University Heights Junior High School.
3. Joy attended John W. North High School from 1968 to 1972. She traveled to France with other students and French teacher Robert Derrick. She had many friends in the theater department, including her very good longtime friend Janet Brown.
4. Joy began taking occasional classes in art and other subjects at Riverside City College.
5. She worked for Riverside Monumental, and, for a short time, had a job where she ran from one doorway to another to leave information (on an exercise place?).
6. Joy lived with boyfriend Kendall _______________. Later, she bought a house with childhood friend Beth Adame. Beth had a dog named Molly and Joy had a dog named Cosmo. When Beth left to get married, Joy got Zooey to keep Cosmo company.
7. On August 10, 1985, our mother died of breast cancer.
8. In October of 1985, Joy came with Kendall to New York to be the maid of honor for Bill's bride, Holly King Emma. The weddding was held at Windows On The World in the north tower of the World Trade Center. The wedding dinner was in the floor below WOTW, the 109th floor, in a restaurant called The Wine Cellar.
9. Joy got a job as a graphic designer with Kaiser Permanente. She became close friends with her boss, Nancy Young, and with nurse Pam Palmer, and with Celeste ___________. Another close friend was Suzanne ________ and her daughter _______________.
10. Joy was diagnosed with breast cancer. It went into remission. It came back in her bones.
11. Feb. 7, 1999, Joy was at home with friend Pam Palmer, a Kaiser nurse. Joy did not feel well, and Pam took her to the hospital. She was diagnosed with necrotizing fascitis (?). Many of her friends (including Nancy Young), me, and my wife Ali (who was also one of Joy's best friends) joined her in the ICU. We feel she got the best care possible not only becuase she was a Kaiser employee and because she knew the doctors caring for her but because she was so much loved. She died early in the morning of Monday, February 8, 1999. As she requested, the Beatles' song "In My Life" was played at her memorial service in the Unitarian Chuch that we had attended. She was much loved.

And Joy loved her friends, her dogs, her home, her art, her music, and so much more. She made birdhouses and other things in the garage that she converted into a woodshop. She was very close to her mother, who died of breast cancer in 1985, and to Beth's mother, Caroline Adame, and Beth's father, Jack Adame (Jack was a Master Gardener).

She liked Elvis Costello, The Beatles (especially John Lennon), The Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen, Concrete Blonde, Collective Soul, Steve Ray Vaughn, The Blues Brothers, Genesis, and many others. She loved Cat Stevens, and saw him walk through the lobby of his London hotel. And she loved movies such as The Wizard Of Oz and many others.

*******************************************

my very first poem

As silent as a dove I look at you
I think of how you loved me late last night
The moon was bright and brilliant in its light
How careless was our love untouched and true
You touched my heart but left me in the cold
My love for your could never be more strong
But why then is my loving you so wrong?
I loved the way you turned my heart to gold
I wonder at my sweet and childish love
You made me realize what's all too true
That I can never know my love anew
My moon and star are falling from above
My last and only wish for you is this:
That I may come to know you with a kiss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

******************************************************************

Seasons

In spring I dance
Through orchards of ecstasy
And meadows of song
Singing to the trees in harmony
Smiling at a day of beauty.

Summer brings the sea and fire
Passion on warm evenings
Cool breeze of calm
And clear dark skies
Over phosphorescent waves.

In fall I walk
Through crisp brown leaves
Breathing in the cool fresh air,
Shuffling through the fog
That drifts above the earth.

Winter breathes an icy flame
A cold moon leaves patterns
In the snow; white, silent.
Almost fragile
A secret beauty kept at night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton


***************************************************************

Klepto

It started with a pen, you know
A little blue delight
Guiltless theft is worse, of course
You did it without fright.
Scissors, markers, and even a glass
I can't understand how you thought it would pass.

You stand uncured, and quite alone
A drawing in your hand
You say you're justified and yet...
I'll never understand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

*****************************************************************

remnants

The choice is mine?
But how can I choose
Whatever I pick
I'm sure to lose
_______

I have an orchard of love
a meadow of bliss
a sky of song
I dance for flowers in the night
_______

bookshelf romance
cries of fear
intriguing passion
dreams awake at night

moonlight morning
shades of night fade
whispers of secrets
and love in memory
____________

if i wait long enough
will you come to me?
if i cry hard enough
will you comfort me?
hoping for my dream
throughout my life
i'll always have you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton, ashland 76

********************************************************


My nose is peeling I'm feeling sad
It's hot as hell and the music is bad
Mutual lust will never exist
Why must men always persist
Jade and silver I gave to my love
Instant ....... fell from above
Holding Malcolm stroking his strings
Seduction and pleasure are everything
Midnight lovers haven't pleased me before
Never much fun and always a bore
You came along in the nick of time
Love in the dark and I feel so fine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

*****************************************************

we steal way
snatching kisses like yesterday
frightened children
longing to love
hoping for a moment,
one moment
of passion in a guiltless night
feeling the fire of pain
withdraw into tomorrow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

*******************************************************

These hands,
they show my age three-fold
the young pink flesh
wrinkled and creased
the soft white nails
chipped and broken.

These hands,
reveal my heart
my struggle with love.

These hands,
they touch ivory keys
with strength and vigor
carrying the music
into my heart.

These hands
the hands that show the scars
the pain, bring my fulfillment
to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton


***************************************************


janet

I see you, child of sorrow,
love, laughter and song
living tomorrow in the past
never the same
singing in your mind
be free
flowers and cigarettes in your own meadow
dying to live just a moment
truth is sadness
cradle the song beside you
within
shine brightly among the smoke, do not cry
you know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton


***********************************************************


Soccer

My shoes were wet and muddy
As I waded through the grass
The fog was thick and heavy
I knew it couldn't last.

I couldn't see the goals
I couldn't see the ball
I couldn't see the players
I couldn't see at all.

We suffered in damp silence
But finally decided
That we should all quit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

***********************************************************

Hockey

I swung my stick in great despair

I didn't hit a thing

The ball rolled by quite viciously

( The swing is everything )

That's fucked! I cried in deep disgust

The whistle did not blow

Penalties unnoticed and

Our team without a goal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

*************************************

painting

i'm waiting

waiting for the gesso to dry

on a canvas

so i can paint

paint a landscape

paint a house

paint a garden

paint a portrait

a portrait of anyone

anyone

but you.

no time for romantic persuasion

no time for excuses

i'm painting

painting over white

i'm painting so I don't have time

for you.

i just haven't the time

i'm busy with acrylics

blue violet pink grey

i'm painting fast

faster

from you.

my canvas is thick

thick with paint

beginning to harden

harden into black

there's no more room

can't go anywhere

anywhere

away from you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

***************************************************

swan song

sharp fear

awakens me to a grey morning

unwelcome fog shrouds the mountains

as i begin my daily walk

in silence.

i walk alone on cold cement

the blood-tears stain the sidewalk.

i wonder

did you hear the swan?

can you hear me?

I whisper softly to the clouds

half wishing for an answer, i wait

in silence.

i watch the clouds

drifting

in choreographed splendor.

for hours they glide and change

their grays from warm

and then to dark again

and i forget my tears.

i want to caress the clouds

as I would caress you

but you might slip through my fingers

like the cloud's mist

and i would lose you again.

the wind

dries my tears as I walk home

in silence.

the sun creeps behind the clouds

lighting patches of

black asphalt.

i run to the patches of light

tripping

and running again

catching up with the sun's

patterns on the earth.

i think about the clouds

i think about you.

i think about the swan

and me.

i reach home exhausted

and decide

i'll make some tea

and start dancing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~jcb (joy)

1*14*80

2.06 am

***********************************************

eat my thoughts, chew every bite

it seems you have an appetite

my diet consists of depression and pain

as soon as i'm full, i'm hungry again

my dreams have come false at last

waiting so long in present and past

cornered by the mirror tonight

overcome by laughter and fright

carefully suppressing my rage

setting my mind, setting the stage

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

********************************************************

song

you said you'd be late but i didn't expect not to ever see or hear from you

tomorrow will come but i won't be alone for i'll have myself to care for me

you must have planned this for your escape

i don't believe it, i'll wait until eight

this place is so crowded, so noisy and cheerful and yet i'm crying by myself

i should have known that you were the type to just get up and walk away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

********************************************

Elton---A Trio of Limericks

There was a young lad named John

Who played soccer and wrote many a song

He'd kick it around;

Both the ball and the sound

But would not admit it was wrong.

********************

There was a young man from Middlesex

Upon young girls he put quite a hex

They'd scream and they'd rave

They would quite misbehave

He was quite a symbol of sex.

*************************************

There once was a lad named Dwight

Who was quite talented in his own write

His name changed to John;

He wrote many a song

And was often heard singing all night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

*******************************************************

"a garbo widow"

and you just can't deal with it anymore

as I point towards the door

you fall, and grovel at my feet

and cry those goddamned tears

you say I'm selfish, it may be true.

I'm really tired of keeping it to myself

so I'll give some of my pain to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

************************************************

haiku one

a kiss

a wave into summer

smiling warm and

caressing

******************

haiku two

summer

blending into warmth

silencing an

angry frost

********************

haiku three

caress

a touch of energy

electric flame

singing bright

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

******************************************

song

talk to me like the rain and let me listen

too many times i've cried and not for you

speak to me do not touch me show your face now

looking at your eyes i don't find the truth

mirroring sadness slowly brings you to me

all my tears have only made you laugh

fold your arms do not care i love you

i'll teach you guitar and kiss away the past

hold my hand don't look into the future

be with me now and maybe we'll both laugh

seasons of loneliness will pass between us

the memories I have are always painted black

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

*********************************************************

Photograph One

I've been up all night

Thinking over consequences

Sometimes it feels all right,

Until I think in present tenses.

Especially with you

When I read your telegram

And realise it's true

Now you're just a photograph

Day after day you reappear

night after night you give me love and disappear

It makes no difference now

You've turned to black and white

You've won the war, and how

I'll never know, wrong or right.

I think about the past

And wonder how I ever lost it

Sometimes it's hard to laugh

While looking at your photograph

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

***********************************************

More Than Ever

5 24 78

1.43 pm

You left me standing at the airport

Clutching the fence

Watching the plane turn into sky

Nothing but memories were left.

I hated how you left me

I hated you I hated me

For letting you go.

I cried, tearing myself apart

Feeling too lonely,

Still giving all myself.

After my tears were gone I thought.

I remembered

I analyzed

And I hated you more than ever

Wanting to scratch you till you bled

Bleeding like I had bled

Wanting to make you die

As I had died

Wanting you to suffer

Suffering more than I had

And the tears returned

I hated you more than ever

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

***************************************************

The World Trade Center; Sonnets from 1998

Holly (my first wife) and I were married in the north tower of the World Trade Center (World Trade Center One) ... the one with the antenna, on Oct. 7, 1985.

The World Trade Center was special to Holly because she had worked for the restaurant on the top floor (the 110th) of the north tower, Windows On The World. Windows On The World was special to me because I liked the view and the food and the ambience. Yes, it was expensive, but it was worth it. And the bathrooms were magnificently beautiful.

None of the people who died that day could be replaced (no one in Windows On The World at 8:45 A.M. on September 11, 2001 was able to make it out alive), but the buildings could have been rebuilt. I wish that they would be rebuilt. That would show courage.

The sonnets below were partly inspired by Ali, my second wife.

**********************************************************

Brush Strokes

Like thick translucent paint embroidered on
strong knotty pine becoming double doors,
relationships mature, each liaison
evolving naturally or planned. Cold floors
reflect emboldened fantasies, smooth dreams
now coalesce in gradual restraint
surrendered and devoured, soft ice creams
dissolving on our tongues. To reacquaint
each other with ourselves, we disagree
on angles of uncertainty, alive
with possibilities eternally
on borders of existence. We contrive
impassioned strokes of genuine regard
imprisoned in adjoining skies unstarred.

October 28, 1998


Concrete And Kittens

Concrete examples still personify
reactions incomplete, emotions mixed
like waterfalls in wilderness, dark sky
enshadowing internal politics
of loving equilibrium. My hand
is trembling with delight, a moment's touch
that blazes like volcanic wonderland.
The circle incomplete, and insomuch
as nothing integrates a pleasure, hot
as frozen ice, imagination
stills excitement squashed by sunny spot
a smear of greasy flesh and wills
both weak as kittens waking indistinct,
they open eyes, and carefully, they wink.

November 24, 2004

D. Composition III

Your head reclines upon soft pillows like
imagined visions in my mind, replete
in colored textures magnified that strike
sharp sparks from steel. Flint is bittersweet
as memories forgotten. Silken dust
accumulates relentlessly beneath
four-poster beds. Repressing wanderlust,
your tantalizing fantasies unsheath

themselves. In secret hiding places dark,
illuminated by a chandelier
reflecting passengers who disembark
with shaky steps, with thoughts unclear,
on golden gangplanks wearing satin clothes.
They sleepwalk as they decompose.

November 12, 1998