Love And Death Are Very Simple

Lacy was Christina's dog, but I loved Lacy too. Lacy was the queen of the universe. She was gentle... although she could be demanding. Like most dogs, she loved to go on walks, ride in cars, and be with the people and dogs she knew. She was happiest when she was with Christina and Brownie and me.

Which made it so hard to see her weaken, to see her strength drain from her, to see her pleasure in life decrease. Lacy died on April 20, 2007. She was much loved.

Love is more than an emotion; love is a connection. We love people, we love animals, and we even love inanimate objects such as cars, clothes, jewelry, photographs houses, books, paintings, sculpture, other works of art, mementos, memoribilia, and so on.

My mother died in 1985, my sister Joy died in 1999, and my father died in 2000. I miss them all. It's painfully obvious that their deaths were losses to me. It hurt to lose them.

There is not much I can do to feel close to my parents and my sister. I have photographs, momentos, and memoribilia. Perhaps more than most people, I have saved things that belonged to those who have gone. Perhaps more than I should have, I have tried to keep connected to those I love.

Not only do I mourn my family members, but I mourn the dogs that I have loved and lost: Snowy, Cholmondeley, Molly, Cosmo, Zooey, and Lacy. Dogs come and go. Like my father, I don't believe in immortality, but the ideas of Heaven and of the Rainbow Bridge are very tempting... even comforting.

I should keep things in perspective. I should not work too hard to live in the past... nor should I forget the loving relationships I have had with those who are no longer living. Living is about remembering, but there is so much more to life than looking backwards.

The purpose of life? To care for those who need our care. To be kind. To oppose evil in all its selfish guises. To make the world a better place. To reach out to those who are alone, who are lonely, who yearn for the connection of love, of a phone call, an email message, a fax, a card, or just a letter.

To pet a lonely dog... to love.

Death And Rememberence

Death has been on my mind this week because of the killings at Virginia Tech and because Christina's dog Lacy died yesterday.

Responding to criticism, the media is providing information on the VT victims. It is heartbreaking. I don't have much to add to all that has been said about the bullying, anger, hatred, the gun purchase, the personalities of the killer and his victims, and the events of that tragic day.

The events of September 11, 2001, are often on my mind as well. I still wish that the buildings would be rebuilt just the way they way. People cannot be replaced, but buildings can.

While racism might have been one of the killer's motivations, I fear that his actions will cause even more racism.

I can only hope that events will cause more kindness, caring, and communication that will prevent such acts of evil.

Lacy was Christina's dog. Lacy had belonged to a friend of hers, but, it became clear that Christina cared more for Lacy, and Lacy became Christina's dog. Lacy was about 6 months old. At an early age, Lacy injured a food, and she was treated by a vet at Austin's South Branch Ped & Bird Clinic, Dr. Ayalsew Mekonnen. This was about 15 years ago... perhaps in 1992... the year that I was preparing to leave my big fancy house in Westlake CA after my marriage to Holly had ended.

Lacy was a sweet dog. I called her "The Queen Of The Universe." She was gentle and thoughtful. She took her time. Like most dogs, she liked being with people and other dogs. She became very close to Christina's dog Toto. Sadly, Toto was accidently killed at an early ago.

Lacy lived with Quincy, but Christina had to find a new home for Quincy.

And then Brownie joined the family. Brownie was active and quick where Lacy was hesitant and slow, but they looked like each other and we almost inseperable for many years.

I don't want to write about Lacy's last weeks, and I don't want to forget the gentleness, kindness, and caring that Lacy brought to our lives. Final arrangements are being handled by the Rainbow Bridge company.

This is one version of the Rainbow Bridge story:

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of Heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies that has been close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge..

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who was left behind, alive on Earth. They all run and play together, but, every day, one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

That special person has been seen, and when the human and the pet finally meet, they cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon ther faces; the hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of the pet, so long gone from Earth but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together into Heaven.

Author unknown

There are no happy endings, but there are happy dogs.

Sadly, there are many dogs that have short and miserable lives and never know the love that Lacy had.

Information about Iraq.... all true?

I can't confirm all the information below, but nothing seems really crazy... it seems believable to me. What do you think?

Also, this info seems to be from before the U.S. defeated the Iraqi army and occupied the country.

Thirdly, some of this info seems to be slanted against Israel, and I don't like that; I don't know if that info is true.

Keep in mind the deaths that are happening every day in Iraq now.... deaths of American soldiers and Iraqis. What have we done? And why was it done?

**********************************************

1. Q: What percentage of the world's population does the U.S. have?
A: 6%

2. Q: What percentage of the world's wealth does the U.S. have?
A: 50%.

3. Q: Which country has the largest oil reserves?
A: Saudi Arabia

4. Q: Which country has the second largest oil reserves?
A: Iraq

5. Q: How much is spent on military budgets a year worldwide?
A: $900+ billion

6. Q: How much of this is spent by the U.S.?
A: 50%

7. Q: What percent of US military spending would ensure the essentials of life to everyone in the world, according the UN?
A: 10% (that's about$40 billion, the amount of funding initially requested to fund our retaliatory attack on Afghanistan).

8. Q: How many people have died in wars since World War II?
A: 86 million

9. Q: How long has Iraq had chemical and biological weapons?
A: Since the early 1980's.

10. Q: Did Iraq develop these chemical & biological weapons on their own?
A: No, the materials and technology were supplied by the US government, along with Britain and private corporations. [Remember the picture of Donald Rumsfeld shaking Saddam Hussein's hand?]

11. Q: Did the US government condemn the Iraqi use of gas warfare against Iran?
A: No.

12. Q: How many people did Saddam Hussein kill using gas in the Kurdish town of Halabja in 1988?
A: 5,000.

13. Q: How many western countries condemned this action at the time? A: Zero.

14. Q: How many gallons of Agent Orange did America use in Vietnam?
A: 17 million.

15. Q: Are there any proven links between Iraq and September 11th terrorist attack?
A: No [even G.W. Bush has admitted this.]

16. Q: What is the estimated number of civilian casualties in the Gulf War?
A: 35,000. [This has changed, of course; there are Websites that track deaths in Iraq that are more up to date.]

17. Q: How many casualties did the Iraqi military inflict on the western forces during the Gulf War ?
A: Zero.

18. Q: How many retreating Iraqi soldiers were buried alive by U.S. tanks with ploughs mounted on the front?
A: 6,000.

19. Q: How many tons of depleted uranium were left in Iraq and Kuwait after the Gulf War?
A: 40 tons. [I wonder if this depleted uranium was left in damaged tanks.]

20. Q: What according to the UN was the increase in cancer rates in Iraq between 1991 and 1994?
A: 700%

21. Q: How much of Iraq's military capacity did America claim it had destroyed in 1991?
A: 80%

22. Q: Is there any proof that Iraq plans to use its weapons for anything other than deterrence and self defense?
A: No. [And, of course, after the U.S. invaded and occupied Iraq, it was proven that Iraq had no nuclear, biological, chemical, or other weapons of mass destruction; by the way, please note that only nuclear weapons can cause mass destruction; chemical and biological weapons merely kill people and other living things.]

23. Q: Does Iraq present more of a threat to world peace now than 10 years ago?
A: No. [This dates the info. IMHO, Saddam Hussein exaggerated the weapons he had to get attention; and Iraqi exiles who wanted to overthrow him lied to the U.S. about his weapons.]

24. Q: How many civilian deaths has the Pentagon predicted in the event of an attack on Iraq in 2002/3?
A: 10,000. [This dates the info.]

25. Q: What percentage of these will be children?
A: Over 50%

26. Q: How many years has the U.S. engaged in air strikes on Iraq?
A: 11 years

27. Q: Were the U.S and the UK at war with Iraq between December 1998 and September 1999?
A: No

28. Q: How many pounds of explosives were dropped on Iraq between December 1998 and September 1999?
A: 20 million

29. Q: How many years ago was UN Resolution 661 introduced, imposing strict sanctions on Iraq's imports and exports?
A: 12 years

30. Q: What was the child death rate in Iraq in 1989 (per 1,000 births)?
A: 38

31. Q: What was the estimated child death rate in Iraq in 1999 (per 1,000 births)?
A: 131 (that's an increase of 345%)

32. Q: How many Iraqis are estimated to have died by October 1999 as a result of UN sanctions?
A: 1.5 million

33. Q: How many Iraqi children are estimated to have died due to sanctions since 1997?
A: 750,000

34. Q: Did Saddam order the inspectors out of Iraq?
A: No

35. Q: How many inspections were there in November and December 1998?
A: 300

36. Q: How many of these inspections had problems?
A: 5

37. Q: Were the weapons inspectors allowed entry to the Ba'ath Party HQ?
A: Yes

38. Q: Who said that by December 1998, "Iraq had in fact, been disarmed to a level unprecedented in modern history."
A: Scott Ritter, UNSCOM chief.

39. Q: In 1998, how much of Iraq's post 1991 capacity to develop weapons of mass destruction did the UN weapons inspectors claim to have discovered and dismantled?
A: 90%

40. Q: Is Iraq willing to allow the weapons inspectors back in ?
A: Yes [date of info unknown]

41. Q: How many UN resolutions did Israel violate by 1992?
A: Over 65

42. Q: How many UN resolutions on Israel did America veto between 1972 and 1990?
A: 30+

44. Q: How many countries are known to have nuclear weapons?
A: 8

45. Q: How many nuclear warheads has Iraq got?
A: Zero.

46. Q: How many nuclear warheads has US got?
A: Over 10,000

47. Q: Which is the only country to use nuclear weapons?
A: The US

48. Q: How many nuclear warheads does Israel have?
A: Over 400

50. Q: Who said, "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter"?
A: Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr

Tragedies: Virginia Tech and Iraq

I.M.H.O., some people should be allowed to purchase and own weapons and some should not.

I believe that no one should be allowed to purchase a firearm without taking a serious course (maybe 80 hours) on gun safety. Of course, this would not eliminate gun violence, but it might reduce it. Instructors should get to know the students... and flunk those that seem to be risks.

Gun control has been called "victim disarmament," and there is some truth in that phrase. Criminals may have easier access to firearms.... I just doubt that the U.S. will be safer if everyone has a gun, but I don't know... should every college building have one entrance with a metal detector and an armed guard at the door?

Responsible trained people should be allowed to own guns; irresponsible maniacs should have a hard time getting weapons.

And I guess it makes sense to have stricter restrictions on more serious weapons... it should be easier to get a .22 pistol than a nuclear bomb.

What do you think? You can reach me at Billdog9325@aol.com.

P.S. Keith Olberman pointed out that about 30 U.S. soldiers had been killed in Iraq in the past month. I wish:

1. More people would realize that we have won the Iraq war. We destroyed the Iraqi army. We occupied the country. We ensured that Iraq did not have any weapons of mass destruction. We set up a democracy. We ensured that Saddam Hussein and other were killed. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! So it's time for the soldiers to come home. Most Iraqis and most Americans want U.S. soldiers to come home. The Saudis and other Arabs could take over the police functions and reduce the sectarian killings.

2. More U.S. soldiers should refuse to follow deployment orders. Yes, it takes courage to go to Iraq; it takes courage to go into any combat. And it also takes courage to refuse deployment; it means court martial and imprisonment. When Nazi soldiers were asked why they commited genocide by gassing Jews and others in the Holocaust, the Nazi soldiers said they were "just following orders." Some orders should NOT be followed. Some orders are wrong.

A Little Piece Of Good News

Yes, I got my new passport. I didn't send in the application via registered certified insured full-service priority mail, so I was very worried that 1. The old passport would be lost on the way to the federal gov. and 2. that the old and new passport would be lost on the way back to me. Or something worse.

Sweet Jesus and holy communion

A New York Catholic sculptor recently carved a figure of Jesus Christ from chocolate. He titled the sculpture "Sweet Jesus."

I think that part of the Catholic mass is eating wafers that represent the body of Christ and drinking wine (or a substitute) representing the blood of Christ. I think this is based on the last supper (the last Seder).

It's interesting that some Catholics would eat and drink Jesus most every Sunday and be horrified that a sculpture of Jesus would be made of something edible. Michelangelo made a sculpture of Mary and Jesus out of marble, and that is not edible.

Of course, who said that religion had to be logical? Logic isn't much fun.

*********************************************

Hot news! The United States has won the war against Iraq. The entire country has been invaded, the Iraqi army has been defeated, the U.S. ensured that there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, and the leader of Iraq, Saddam Hussein, has been executed. We won! The brave soldiers can go home now... unless they are needed to prop up the puppet Iraqi government that controls the flow of oil from Iraq. Iraq, after all, has more oil than any nation with the exception of Saudi Arabia. It is quite a coincidence, isn't it, that George W. Bush and others in his administration have such close ties to Saudi Arabia?

From Joy Burton's 1974 high-school annual

Joy attended John W. North High School in Riverside, California, from 1972 to 1976. North High School is the closest high school to the campus of the University of California at Riverside, and some of her friends and my friends were children of professors who taught at U.C.R. Joy and I were the children of Howard and Charlotte Burton who taught at the junior college, Riverside City College.

********************************************

"Billie J. King"
Maybe some of your liberated ways are rubbing off on me, after all I'm using your pen - and it doesn't burn. Big "L"


Joy, it's hard to express how much fun I've had knowing you. We've really had some high ole times, if you'll forgive the expression. We simply must play tennis this summer when you aren't trapesing (well, you know) around Europe. Have a fantastic time and I'll see you later.
Susie
P.S. If you ever want someone to go to Lothian with you, well...


Joy, what can I say about a four-year friendship? To sum it up in a few words Pjagenplugte in twiden blunk! All my space is used up. This makes me very mad. Well, I don't know what to say! Bye Bye - Beth


Since I can't think of a good analytical thesis statement, I'll have to refrain from writing anything. Daniel Lawton

Joy, someday we will go to Rome together and reinstate the glory of the Roman Empire - Facturusne simpretium operae, si perscripserim res Romani populi a promordio urbis, nec satis scio, ne, si sciam ausim dicere.
Jeff Kissinger
To a great and recent friend, Joy Burton



Joy,
It's been fun knowing you. Have a great summer. Have fun in France. See ya next year.
Julie Skinner


Joy----
Here's to the future! Hope to get a chance to see you in it ... like at camp?
Allan Mann [teacher]

Joy,
You're a great friend who I like a lot. See you next year. Luv, Mark Lulmer[?]

Joy,
I can't write letters like you do. I just write a short note saying have a good time in France; enjoy yourself, friend.
Love,
Metty [Martha]
Tomason [Metty lived near us, and her father, Ivan Thomason, taught nemadotodology at U.C.R.]


Joy
have a nice whatever
Molly


Joy,
I like being your friend. I'll see ya.
Cindy Plattner


Joy, I finally got my picture in the annual. It's been different knowing you, but I guess I can say it's been okay. Next year I'll be on the tennis team & beat your ass off.
Peggy F.


Joy, where have you been all my life? Think of all the weirdos parading around North! You are one of them. And you'll be there next year.
Pat (Scannell/O'Scannell)


Dear Joy
Don't be yourself and not what others want you to be, until you are yourself and not what you don't want yourself to be.
Love
John Fess [class president, academic achiever, and all-star athlete]


Dear Joy
It is always a pleasure seeing your smiling face in one of my classes. Good luck.
Mr. Blanes


Joy,
You've been bugging me about signing your yearbook and I don't know what to say. Well, I guess I will say that you're not bad for a sophomore, and good luck next year.
Thorpe [Loeffler] [Still one of Bill's best friends, Thor introduced Bill to the worlds of cars and stereos because Thor's stepfather {Edward Clinkscale} was a professor of music at U.C.R.]



Joy,
What can you say to Joy
your name expresses it.
You'll be there next year,
and that's enough for me
Janet Brown
(I'm glad you saw the Wizard)


Joy, it seems unusual that a year ago we didn't even know each other. What can I say? You are a person that is really beautiful. I know that we will have fun in France. It will be especially fun because you will be there. Love,
Richard Harris RH


Joy,
Although I really haven't known you for that long, I've loved every minute of it. Don't change.
luv
Donna Levinson
P.S. good luck with you-know-who!



Joy,
what is your malfunction? I mean you've got a problem. It's probably nicholitis or 6th-hour phobia.
Take care this summer and hope it's not contagious.
Luv,
Erich Wolf


Joy,
First of all, I hate this page (the looks of it), but I must write on it because of all the space. I don't know how to start! But I'll first say you're one of the greatest people (a really neat weirdo!!) that I've ever met and probably ever will. We've done so many far-out things together, mostly little things, but ones that I'll remember for a long time. I know you'll have a great time in Europe this summer (despite that, us two can go together one day). So remember: (Gold Medal! HA HA HA); going to the Music Center; to UCR movies, on picnics, working with Fugue and Mark [Harrah], Lothian [UCR dormitory], UCR movies, Siddhartha, Christmas, pizza at your house. All of these memories will be kept in my mind and soul, under the category of "heart-throb." I love you very much, Joy, so let's always keep in TOUCH (?! HEE-HEE)
Just, Scott [McKeown?]

Joy,
this annual is really shity (you wasted your money, Ha Ha). Our relationship is really strange! We get really close then fade away. Like now with this MOHAMADE gulf, wow what a name. From your description he sounds great but who knows. We have gone through numerous fellows. Remember D.D. and D.M., etc., etc. I hope you get close to Jackie [Sisson?] and he doesn't hurt you. It will be great for you. Well enough of this crap. I'll leave you now. You're [a?] weird [person?]. Mouna [?] Marina [?]

[Following is in mirror writing.]

Joy, this is an optical illusion. You aren't really reading it because it is impossible to read backwards. In fact, NOTHING is real. Everything is a put-on, don't you think so? But you are one of the few people who aren't phony and that's what I like about you. I know you'll meet people who can't stand it, but you don't have to conform to any phony person's demands. Love, Monica [?] [Pratt?]


Joy, that's a beginning! Is this school really so bad that you want to graduate early? But I sure do envy you going to Europe while I'm here in smoggy Riverside. I wouldn't dare wish you a "nice summer," and I'm sure you'll have one anyway. Instead of foreign lit, you'll study foreign people + places, which are a lot more interesting!
Shireen Mulla [Shireen's father, Dr. Mir Mulla, was an entomologist at U.C.R., and Shireen's brother David was a good friend of mine.]


Joy,
Have you seen your analyst lately? You realize it's healthy for you. Isn't your analyst called Dr. Demento? (Or was it Jungle Judy?) I always forget technicalities. It's alright, however, I understand that many geniuses, the ones I know of, that have forgetful spasms. (Now I forget what I was going to say.) Anyway, enjoy Europe and the rest of the summer. You're really one of a kind. (That's a compliment.)
Margaret Fukuto


Joy,
I've really enjoyed going to North and knowing you but now I'm going to Poly [High School] and I like it (or love) [it] over there. I'm still going to miss you, but I'll come over once in a while and visit. Take care of yourself because I care.
Love,
Mike Goss [next-door neighbor]
Poly "75"


Earn the Joy,
the joy of Joy. Since you are one of the great Burtons, you too are admired. Take care.
Patti [Lydon]


Joy, You are a really nice person and I am glad that I know you.
I hope you have better luck with tongues next year.
David Prout


Joy,
you can be best described by your name. Good luck and take care of Bill. David [Mulla]


Joy---
When you're standing under the Eiffel Tower, not thinking of Jeff, think of me smoldering in the wonderful summer heat. Ah, I wish I could go! Enjoy it!
Love, Carol [Bingham?]


Joy,
Man do you get me mad. I never got to pinch your butt once this year. Had fun in Franchee-voo.
Andy Leeka

Joy---
Since I can't write anything profound, I'll give you a piece of a poem by a 17th-century Irish monk. He wrote it when he was a hermit.
"I and Pangerban my cat
'Tis a like took we are at
Catching mice is his delight
Hunting words I'll sit all night."
Rachel E. Miller [daughter of Professor Milton Miller]

To Joy
It has been a joy -
pleasure.
Honest. DHL [Doris Hope Lustgarten, English teacher]


Joy
Thanks for being my friend even though I can't play basketball.
Beckie Etter


Joy,
You did get to see me ice skate once - you lucky person. I know you will do well in the rest of high school because you have shown such promise in the years you have been here. Good luck. Hope to see you around. Don't let Bill boss you around.
Wayne [Hundley]


Joy, what lovely hair you have! I enjoyed touching you dear - don't tell now! Nah - You are a real Joy to know - I'm sure you've heard that dear - be happy with life -
Much love, Patty Woodrich



Coach [Gene] Hughes


Joy - May your act become cleaner
your [lip? life?] straighter
and most of all, may you learn not to talk while I am trying to sleep.
R[on]. Crandall [biology and ecology; he organized the "Crandall Campouts" in the desert that were otherwise known as the "Candle Crampouts." Students drank beer and other stuff, smoked dope, and probably took other drugs. A.F.A.I.K., no one was hurt, although Thor spent a long time throwing up on a sand dune after drinking a lot of beer.]


Joy (you doper you!)
I must say, we've had our highs together! I've truly enjoyed these uplifting experiences, and I hope to enjoy some more stimuli. Please don't forget me, but just the same, don't remember me by [brother] Mark [Harrah]! One bit of sage advice: don't smoke anything I wouldn't smoke! Also, "go placidly amid the noise + waste + remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof."
Shane Harrah [my friend, more or less, from age 5 to age 51]


Joy,
You've been great this year. You were especially nutty in French II. How dare you pick on your beloved student aide!
Love,
Lise Loeffler


I didn't know you were bill's sister until a month ago. Now isn't that a shame.
Kimon Papafingos

Je te reveras l'armee prochain.
Iason [Jason?]

- Joy -
To the rottenist most deceitful student I have ever had. Remember how we first met - Ah, it sticks in my mind with Joy, peace + fond memories. Now for the serious stuff. I hope I never ever see you again. At least not until next year. Have a nice summer.
Love thru Christ
Carl [?] Nicholls [?]

one day while stumbling through the gesert and over a great sand dune I met a waisted chick with a bottle of Jim Beam in her hand and a roach in the other.
That's how I met you
all my love, Joy
Steve O'Toole

Joy,
Even though I hardly knew you, you're one of the few who have red hair like me.
Ken Stefferud


To Joy,
to a really cool person who I wish I could see more of. Stay the way you are, ... you'll get what you want out of life. Remember me and Good Luck.
Love,
Alex [?] Fardia [?] Faridia[?]
(Hippie)


Joy,
To a beautiful person, you are probably one of my dearest friends. I have 3. I can talk to you and you actually listen. Far out! Thanks for being my friend.
Love, Mark Harrah
[younger brother of Shane Harrah and son of U.C.R. philosophy professor David Harrah]


Joy,
Oh, Joy! (in the words of my father). Enjoy Europe and come back in one piece. Beware of those Libians [?].
Monica [Pratt?]

Joy,
you're a joy, really. I'm glad I know you, and wish I wasn't leaving so I could meet you more.
Love,
Martha Jo Hall

Joy,
Wow, wasn't camp fantastic! (an overused word) + feel we have become really close + will be good friends. Don't forget summer camp is beautiful and will bring you close to a lot of people. Please come. Warm Fuzzy
Ellen [?]

Dearest Joy,
I am not going to get all gooshy and talk about your "cute" personality or the "fun" school year. (I detest such yearbook literature.) However, I have not yet forumulated a suitable alternative, so I cahlall merely sign my name and hope that the sensuous curves of my handwriting express all that I could not put into words.
Julie Jeffrey [for a while, maybe from March of 1976 to sometime in spring of 1997, my girlfriend; as of April 2007, working at the music library at U.C. Berkeley]

To a really odd girl. Have a good summer! WAYNE SILVERTHORNE

Joy: I see you around almost all the time but I'll write something anyway * Goodbye OLLIE! :-)
Kevin Cantwell [neighbor]

Joy,
My helpful (confider) without you I would not be able to live, your love meant so much to me.
love, love, love
Wayne [Johnson, probably]
P.S. love, peace, happiness

Joy 'me hearty'
I can't think of anything witty to say so you getstuck with crap. Here it is. I hhope that you have a great time in Europe. Be careful. I want to go there is a couple of years and I want something to be left when I get there. I'll see you next year.
Ann Bikle [who later married Julie Jeffrey's brother David]
(the great actress Sarah Bernhart sp II)


Well dreamer, how was your year? Wasn't P.E. beyond the deep realms of thrills and excitement? Imagen the widespread joys of tromping through grass feilds with the charactoristics of a flooded rice paddy and juggling the white, pockmarked balls of golf. (Gore!) Oh well. Hooray for Capt. Spalding. It's all in the interests of education (But Holmes, I don't understand!) [finger] snap snap AHA! What does that remind you of? Handball gloves of course. Get hold of a pair and we can further transform our summer into one of the more bizarre episodes of our insane lifes. Just think, if you had a pair you could be admitted to the "slogans-on-handball-court-walls" guild to enliven your nights.
See ya next year
Sara Gilbertson *
* Don't sit with your back to the attendance office when I'm absent. Have fun in Europe you lucky kid.

Joy,
Remember me? Have fun this summer and I wish you all the love and happiness your life can hold! Love, Linda
P.S. Better luck on your driver's test next time!

More of Joy Burton's poems

i thought of you last night
and cried like a child
so lonely and so scared
afraid of the dark with you not there
to put your arms around me
so i could fall asleep
and dream of never losing you
awakening to find you in a dream
understanding why you had to leave

chorus:
I hear your voice at night
while I sleep restlessly
loving and dreaming only you
my precious child
dreamchild of the dark

you're so clever with love
your smile deceives the lonely
your ways confuse the wise
now you've left with half of me
and all the time to cry

chorus:
i hear your voice at night
while I sleep restlessly
dreaming and loving only you
my cunning child
dreamchild of the dark

Ii have the time i've waited for
it's spent on losing tears and you
remembering the airport scenes
hiding the tears from strangers passing by
leaving alone with quick goodbyes
suddenly having the time to cry

chorus 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
***************************************************************


Old men walk narrow paths
they wash their dentures
in public
in front of little girls
laughing toothless
at their ignorance
they turn and walk
away, stumbling
on a sidewalk crack.

pink ladies flash their charm
diamond stickpins
stuck into their breasts
so lovers can kiss off
the blood
later,
after the dance.

little girls spit out
twisted truths
they sink their teeth
into each other's innocence
hanging little boys from
a high oak branch
with their red hair ribbons
tight around their necks.

i am sucked on daily
i crawl among the leeches
coming closer to the blade.

the blade, cold, pure
shining
anticipating my touch;
redcold agony

catholic men suck on
rosary beads
they've rubbed
between their
lover's thighs
they drink the wine and
pray forgiveness
for their weekly sins.

old men walk narrow pathways
with canes of scorn bleeding
from their hands; knotted,
gnarled with pain and anger.
they pick disgust from their teeth
with toothpicks; gold, smiling.

little girls spit out twisted truths -
they pick fresh young camilias
with their scathing virgin hands.
skipping along the dirty roads
they tease the foolish boys;
pink, innocent.

a man lies dead and bloody;
decomposing
faceless men whisper of fate
theirs; cold, indifferent.

I crawl among the leeches
I am sucked on daily
coming closer to the blade.
the blade: pure, shining
waiting for my touch; redcold agony.

the pink ladies flash their charm
to get country club luncheons
and diamond stickpins that stick
into their breasts
so lovers can kiss the blood off
in public johns, later,
after the dance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
***************************************************


Sonnet for Byl

Although the lack of rhyme I saw too well
Tenderness and care were clearly seen
Where hate and disillusion could have been
My fate perceived as far as I could tell
My cocaine eyes and champagne smiles deceive
Smallest bits of truth can disappear
Behind the haze and smoke is dread and fear
Someone has to dance while others grieve
Be happy while I sing the blues tonight
Tomorrow always waits for her and you
No matter what you feel or how you do
Your dreams are much too young to die in fright
The last two lines are always hard for me,
So happy twenty-first and two for tea.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
**************************************************

a dream
5 24 78
2.02 pm

I caught some remnants of a dream
A dream of you
A dream of me
A role-reversal

You bled, bleeding from your heart
The blood dripping onto me
But quickly washed away with apathy

You lay and cried, crying from your soul
The tears dripping onto my toes
For I stood and spat upon you

You screamed, screaming with all your might
The screams drifting away
For I didn't care to hear

You died, dying slowly and painfully
I turned and walked away
For I didn't care.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
*****************************************

you touched
my cold flesh
the hate
i feel for you
is not eternal
quick rebelion
on this night of
screaming dogs
my ego is too fat
I have no
sorrow
for the pigs
that you desire
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
********************************************



we steal away
snatching kisses like yesterday
frightened children
longing to love
hoping for a moment
one moment
of passion in a guiltless night
feeling the fire of pain
withdraw into tomorrow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
*******************************************


rainbows
for andy

rainbows come and go
as love they show no pity
blindly searching for a question
dancing the nights away
under a sky of sorrow
we toil with sadness
seeking we're inspired by rainbows
carefree and easy we lose ourselves
and cry at moments past
moments to come
where we find the end of our rainbow
and find a mirrored image of ourselves.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
***********************************************

you left me
standing alone
clutching the fence
watching the plane turn into sky.
all I had was memories and tears.

I was blinded by my tears
blinded by you.
memories revealed awful truths
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton
***************************************************

sharp fear
awakens me to a grey morning.
unwelcome for shrouds the mountains
as i begin my daily walk
in silence
i walk alone on cold cement;
the blood-tears stain the sidewalk

i wonder
did you hear the swan?
can you hear me?

i whisper softly
wishing for an answer or only
the sound of your voice

i whisper softly
into the rain

i whisper softly to the clouds
wishing for an answer
to ease the fear or
my breath turns to mist

If only to hear your voice
but i

Being unlikable

Last Friday, I was reminded of how unlikeable I can be. I wanted to go to a support group at the Shoal Creek Hospital, and Christina agreed to go. We'd found the group helpful before.

I thought someone was saying that only one aspect, one mode of behavior, was "real." Like, "I want the real you to come back" or "You weren't the real you last month." I felt that we are always us, that I am always me, and so on... IOW, we are always responsible for ourselves.

I said that, and everyone reacted as if I had insulted them personally and viciously. I tried to explain that maybe I had misunderstood what had been said.... and that they had misunderstood what I'd said.

Other clues to my being clueless: Few email messages, few phone calls, few cards, few letters, and so on. Ali said that one thing she liked about me was that I wasn't slick; well, some slickness might have made things better for me and those I have been, am, and will be in contact with.

Heck, on the other hand, I've had a mostly successful career, and not all of my two marriages were miserable. I try to
be kind
listen
be forgiving
and so on... but there seems to be something fundamentally wrong with my social skills. Sigh.

Joy's "very first poem" and others

After my sister Joy died in 1999, I hoped that a Website could be created that would keep her memory alive. That didn't happen. Since I've been putting various things in this blog: stuff about my life, some of my poetry, some of my drawings, etc.---------------I thought I'd put some of Joy's poetry in here too.

Some info:

1. 1958: Joy was born in Riverside California to Charlotte Evelyn Campbell Burton and Howard Avery Burton. Joy's full name was Joy Campbell Burton. She was named "Joy" because Mom and Dad, having two boys, hoped for a girl. The boys were Bruce Howard Burton (born 1954) and William Augustus Burton (born 1956).
2. Joy attended Emerson Elementary School. Instead of attending 1st grade, she went with her family to Europe; they stayed mostly in London, and Joy attended Brooklands School. She completed 2nd through 6th grade at Emerson (where she met longtime friend Beth Adame). She completed 7th and 8th grades at University Heights Junior High School.
3. Joy attended John W. North High School from 1968 to 1972. She traveled to France with other students and French teacher Robert Derrick. She had many friends in the theater department, including her very good longtime friend Janet Brown.
4. Joy began taking occasional classes in art and other subjects at Riverside City College.
5. She worked for Riverside Monumental, and, for a short time, had a job where she ran from one doorway to another to leave information (on an exercise place?).
6. Joy lived with boyfriend Kendall _______________. Later, she bought a house with childhood friend Beth Adame. Beth had a dog named Molly and Joy had a dog named Cosmo. When Beth left to get married, Joy got Zooey to keep Cosmo company.
7. On August 10, 1985, our mother died of breast cancer.
8. In October of 1985, Joy came with Kendall to New York to be the maid of honor for Bill's bride, Holly King Emma. The weddding was held at Windows On The World in the north tower of the World Trade Center. The wedding dinner was in the floor below WOTW, the 109th floor, in a restaurant called The Wine Cellar.
9. Joy got a job as a graphic designer with Kaiser Permanente. She became close friends with her boss, Nancy Young, and with nurse Pam Palmer, and with Celeste ___________. Another close friend was Suzanne ________ and her daughter _______________.
10. Joy was diagnosed with breast cancer. It went into remission. It came back in her bones.
11. Feb. 7, 1999, Joy was at home with friend Pam Palmer, a Kaiser nurse. Joy did not feel well, and Pam took her to the hospital. She was diagnosed with necrotizing fascitis (?). Many of her friends (including Nancy Young), me, and my wife Ali (who was also one of Joy's best friends) joined her in the ICU. We feel she got the best care possible not only becuase she was a Kaiser employee and because she knew the doctors caring for her but because she was so much loved. She died early in the morning of Monday, February 8, 1999. As she requested, the Beatles' song "In My Life" was played at her memorial service in the Unitarian Chuch that we had attended. She was much loved.

And Joy loved her friends, her dogs, her home, her art, her music, and so much more. She made birdhouses and other things in the garage that she converted into a woodshop. She was very close to her mother, who died of breast cancer in 1985, and to Beth's mother, Caroline Adame, and Beth's father, Jack Adame (Jack was a Master Gardener).

She liked Elvis Costello, The Beatles (especially John Lennon), The Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen, Concrete Blonde, Collective Soul, Steve Ray Vaughn, The Blues Brothers, Genesis, and many others. She loved Cat Stevens, and saw him walk through the lobby of his London hotel. And she loved movies such as The Wizard Of Oz and many others.

*******************************************

my very first poem

As silent as a dove I look at you
I think of how you loved me late last night
The moon was bright and brilliant in its light
How careless was our love untouched and true
You touched my heart but left me in the cold
My love for your could never be more strong
But why then is my loving you so wrong?
I loved the way you turned my heart to gold
I wonder at my sweet and childish love
You made me realize what's all too true
That I can never know my love anew
My moon and star are falling from above
My last and only wish for you is this:
That I may come to know you with a kiss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

******************************************************************

Seasons

In spring I dance
Through orchards of ecstasy
And meadows of song
Singing to the trees in harmony
Smiling at a day of beauty.

Summer brings the sea and fire
Passion on warm evenings
Cool breeze of calm
And clear dark skies
Over phosphorescent waves.

In fall I walk
Through crisp brown leaves
Breathing in the cool fresh air,
Shuffling through the fog
That drifts above the earth.

Winter breathes an icy flame
A cold moon leaves patterns
In the snow; white, silent.
Almost fragile
A secret beauty kept at night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton


***************************************************************

Klepto

It started with a pen, you know
A little blue delight
Guiltless theft is worse, of course
You did it without fright.
Scissors, markers, and even a glass
I can't understand how you thought it would pass.

You stand uncured, and quite alone
A drawing in your hand
You say you're justified and yet...
I'll never understand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

*****************************************************************

remnants

The choice is mine?
But how can I choose
Whatever I pick
I'm sure to lose
_______

I have an orchard of love
a meadow of bliss
a sky of song
I dance for flowers in the night
_______

bookshelf romance
cries of fear
intriguing passion
dreams awake at night

moonlight morning
shades of night fade
whispers of secrets
and love in memory
____________

if i wait long enough
will you come to me?
if i cry hard enough
will you comfort me?
hoping for my dream
throughout my life
i'll always have you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton, ashland 76

********************************************************


My nose is peeling I'm feeling sad
It's hot as hell and the music is bad
Mutual lust will never exist
Why must men always persist
Jade and silver I gave to my love
Instant ....... fell from above
Holding Malcolm stroking his strings
Seduction and pleasure are everything
Midnight lovers haven't pleased me before
Never much fun and always a bore
You came along in the nick of time
Love in the dark and I feel so fine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

*****************************************************

we steal way
snatching kisses like yesterday
frightened children
longing to love
hoping for a moment,
one moment
of passion in a guiltless night
feeling the fire of pain
withdraw into tomorrow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

*******************************************************

These hands,
they show my age three-fold
the young pink flesh
wrinkled and creased
the soft white nails
chipped and broken.

These hands,
reveal my heart
my struggle with love.

These hands,
they touch ivory keys
with strength and vigor
carrying the music
into my heart.

These hands
the hands that show the scars
the pain, bring my fulfillment
to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton


***************************************************


janet

I see you, child of sorrow,
love, laughter and song
living tomorrow in the past
never the same
singing in your mind
be free
flowers and cigarettes in your own meadow
dying to live just a moment
truth is sadness
cradle the song beside you
within
shine brightly among the smoke, do not cry
you know.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton


***********************************************************


Soccer

My shoes were wet and muddy
As I waded through the grass
The fog was thick and heavy
I knew it couldn't last.

I couldn't see the goals
I couldn't see the ball
I couldn't see the players
I couldn't see at all.

We suffered in damp silence
But finally decided
That we should all quit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

***********************************************************

Hockey

I swung my stick in great despair

I didn't hit a thing

The ball rolled by quite viciously

( The swing is everything )

That's fucked! I cried in deep disgust

The whistle did not blow

Penalties unnoticed and

Our team without a goal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

*************************************

painting

i'm waiting

waiting for the gesso to dry

on a canvas

so i can paint

paint a landscape

paint a house

paint a garden

paint a portrait

a portrait of anyone

anyone

but you.

no time for romantic persuasion

no time for excuses

i'm painting

painting over white

i'm painting so I don't have time

for you.

i just haven't the time

i'm busy with acrylics

blue violet pink grey

i'm painting fast

faster

from you.

my canvas is thick

thick with paint

beginning to harden

harden into black

there's no more room

can't go anywhere

anywhere

away from you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

***************************************************

swan song

sharp fear

awakens me to a grey morning

unwelcome fog shrouds the mountains

as i begin my daily walk

in silence.

i walk alone on cold cement

the blood-tears stain the sidewalk.

i wonder

did you hear the swan?

can you hear me?

I whisper softly to the clouds

half wishing for an answer, i wait

in silence.

i watch the clouds

drifting

in choreographed splendor.

for hours they glide and change

their grays from warm

and then to dark again

and i forget my tears.

i want to caress the clouds

as I would caress you

but you might slip through my fingers

like the cloud's mist

and i would lose you again.

the wind

dries my tears as I walk home

in silence.

the sun creeps behind the clouds

lighting patches of

black asphalt.

i run to the patches of light

tripping

and running again

catching up with the sun's

patterns on the earth.

i think about the clouds

i think about you.

i think about the swan

and me.

i reach home exhausted

and decide

i'll make some tea

and start dancing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~jcb (joy)

1*14*80

2.06 am

***********************************************

eat my thoughts, chew every bite

it seems you have an appetite

my diet consists of depression and pain

as soon as i'm full, i'm hungry again

my dreams have come false at last

waiting so long in present and past

cornered by the mirror tonight

overcome by laughter and fright

carefully suppressing my rage

setting my mind, setting the stage

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

********************************************************

song

you said you'd be late but i didn't expect not to ever see or hear from you

tomorrow will come but i won't be alone for i'll have myself to care for me

you must have planned this for your escape

i don't believe it, i'll wait until eight

this place is so crowded, so noisy and cheerful and yet i'm crying by myself

i should have known that you were the type to just get up and walk away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

********************************************

Elton---A Trio of Limericks

There was a young lad named John

Who played soccer and wrote many a song

He'd kick it around;

Both the ball and the sound

But would not admit it was wrong.

********************

There was a young man from Middlesex

Upon young girls he put quite a hex

They'd scream and they'd rave

They would quite misbehave

He was quite a symbol of sex.

*************************************

There once was a lad named Dwight

Who was quite talented in his own write

His name changed to John;

He wrote many a song

And was often heard singing all night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

*******************************************************

"a garbo widow"

and you just can't deal with it anymore

as I point towards the door

you fall, and grovel at my feet

and cry those goddamned tears

you say I'm selfish, it may be true.

I'm really tired of keeping it to myself

so I'll give some of my pain to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

************************************************

haiku one

a kiss

a wave into summer

smiling warm and

caressing

******************

haiku two

summer

blending into warmth

silencing an

angry frost

********************

haiku three

caress

a touch of energy

electric flame

singing bright

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

******************************************

song

talk to me like the rain and let me listen

too many times i've cried and not for you

speak to me do not touch me show your face now

looking at your eyes i don't find the truth

mirroring sadness slowly brings you to me

all my tears have only made you laugh

fold your arms do not care i love you

i'll teach you guitar and kiss away the past

hold my hand don't look into the future

be with me now and maybe we'll both laugh

seasons of loneliness will pass between us

the memories I have are always painted black

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

*********************************************************

Photograph One

I've been up all night

Thinking over consequences

Sometimes it feels all right,

Until I think in present tenses.

Especially with you

When I read your telegram

And realise it's true

Now you're just a photograph

Day after day you reappear

night after night you give me love and disappear

It makes no difference now

You've turned to black and white

You've won the war, and how

I'll never know, wrong or right.

I think about the past

And wonder how I ever lost it

Sometimes it's hard to laugh

While looking at your photograph

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

***********************************************

More Than Ever

5 24 78

1.43 pm

You left me standing at the airport

Clutching the fence

Watching the plane turn into sky

Nothing but memories were left.

I hated how you left me

I hated you I hated me

For letting you go.

I cried, tearing myself apart

Feeling too lonely,

Still giving all myself.

After my tears were gone I thought.

I remembered

I analyzed

And I hated you more than ever

Wanting to scratch you till you bled

Bleeding like I had bled

Wanting to make you die

As I had died

Wanting you to suffer

Suffering more than I had

And the tears returned

I hated you more than ever

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Joy Burton

***************************************************